First thought that came to mind was, “I don’t want her for a mother.” Immediately my mind argued. “How could that be true, you’ve done so much work on your mother, you love her. This is ridiculous. Etc.”  However, since I trust the thoughts that arise from my mind I wrote it down along with the others.  And because I was so curious about this one thought I started with it.

“I don’t want her to be my mother.”

How do you react when you believe that thought?
Short version – I treat her like a mother who failed miserably to meet my needs as a child. I shun her, ignore her, treat her like she isn’t a part of my life and not meeting my expectations.

Who would you be without that thought?
Mother-less. Whoa – what is that about?  No longer having a “mother.”  No longer laying all my “mother” expectations on a woman who happened to give birth to me. Free to love this woman – a freedom that is difficult to put into words.  Free to see her as so many others saw her and experienced her. They didn’t put “mother” expectations on her.  Free to get to know her as a person, someone trying to navigate life just like me and not always doing it according to unknown expectations from others.  Free to receive all that she gave me, all that she offered, all that she was.

Turn it Around
I don’t want her to be my “mother” turned around to itself was so much truer and wonderful to realize. I don’t want to put “mother” expectations on her.
This was so amazingly true I have just been sitting in it.

I love how this all unfolded. I have been sitting with it for the last several days and I keep falling into deeper realizations.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: http://www.MaggieCarter.com
Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

I will be posting other insights and questions that come to me periodically and invite you to comment on them as well.

I look forward to hearing from you and connecting with you.

Gratefully,

Maggie

I have been convinced, at times, that this is true.  I have really believed this! THEN I
bump up against a very strongly held belief, one that threatens my sense of security and who I think I am.  It is then that I realize I don’t always want “to know the truth!

Over the years I have taken pride in all the “fires” I have sat in, all the challenges and fears I have faced and still there are times when I experience incredible fear and
discomfort and I don’t want to know what the thoughts are beneath that fear.  There are times when I prefer being in denial!  I try to mitigate the feelings by getting busy, calling someone, drinking a glass of wine, or watching TV, anything to move away from the feelings of discomfort.

What is also true is that in my experience that being with those feelings, identifying the thoughts that are creating the feelings and loving them is how it eases.  It often requires seeing what I think I don’t want to see and hear. It requires that I come out of denial and see the truth rather than what I prefer to see and believe.  When I am able to do that, an amazing sense of peace, clarity and love takes over.  And still, at times, the fear is often stronger than the desire to know the truth.

What has helped me the most is to question the fear as a loving mother would question a child who is terrified that there is a boogey man under her bed.  “Oh honey, are you sure?”

Life continually presents me with opportunities to dive in again and again to learn that the truth really is kinder than any story I have about it.  So in this moment as I notice the fear, I ask myself, can I sit with this dis-ease, this dis-comfort, this fire of truth and ask, “Oh honey, is that true?”

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: http://www.MaggieCarter.com
Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

I grew up believing, among other things, that I was impatient and not at all creative.  I lived my life as though both were true.  And if you were to talk to the people who have been closest to me over the years they would definitely concur, especially with the impatient description.  It wasn’t something I was proud of but it would surface at times when I least wanted it to.

I have had a chance to explore those beliefs over the past few years and found new
realizations.  I have become more patient and a bit more creative as well.  But I continued to believe these were new and had not been a part of my past personality.

That story was blown apart recently after a conversation with my daughter, Wendy.  She had called to tell me that my three-year old granddaughter, Callie, was now playing with a doll that both I and Wendy had played with as children as well as the Barbie dolls that Wendy had played with.  I had made most of the Barbie doll clothes.  As Wendy and I talked I laughed thinking about those Barbie doll clothes and how tiny they are and how much patience it took to make them.  I laughed thinking of me, the impatient one, making those clothes.

Then I realized that I had made all the clothes for the other doll when I was 12.  Not only had I made the clothes I had designed them.  Then it hit me!   I have always been creative and patient, just not 100% of the time.  In that realization I began to see many other times in my life from childhood on when I had been patient and creative.

How was it that I couldn’t see that before?  All I could see were the impatient and non-creative moments of my life.  I had missed half my life by believing only half of what was actually true for me.  I am all things, I realized and always have been.  This patience and creativity weren’t new behaviors.  They had always been there.  I am both patient and impatient.  I am both creative and not creative.  But when I believe that only one aspect is true it is all I see and becomes how I define myself.  It has been great fun seeing the new me with these new realizations.

Try it out for yourself.  What labels would you put on yourself?  Especially the judgmental labels.  Then find every place you can think of where the opposite is true.  Have fun finding a new you.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: http://www.MaggieCarter.com
Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

In the past I thought that getting a massage, buying myself something, taking a long
leisurely bath or eating some decadent chocolate thing was “taking care of myself”.  I had never stopped to ask myself what that very commonly used phrase meant until recently when my mother underwent open-heart surgery.

I traveled to California to be with her for the surgery and planned to spend a few days afterwards keeping her company during the recovery process.  I knew that she would spend a lot of time sleeping and under the influence of pain medication.  So I had thought I would spend a couple of hours at the beach each day and then a few hours with her.

Instead I found myself spending every moment allowed by the hospital by her bedside.  The night of the surgery after returning home for something to eat I found myself back in the car and headed toward the hospital to be with her again.  I wasn’t afraid or nervous about her condition I just wanted to be with her.  Over the next several days I sat by her bedside while she slept, I held her hand, swabbed her lips, helped her with whatever she needed.  My mother is deaf, so I also spent time communicating with nurses and doctors. My mother and I also had a few beautiful conversations.  She didn’t need to live or die for me.  Whatever happened was okay with me.  I just enjoyed being there.  I have never felt closer to her.

At one point my brother who noticed how much time I was spending with her, lovingly suggested that I take care of myself.  That’s when it became clear to me what taking care of yourself is all about.  I told him that I was taking care of myself.  Spending time with my mother, just being with her and doing whatever small things I could to make things a bit easier for her was taking care of me.  A few years ago that would not have been true.  Now it was and I was delighting in it.

Through that wonderful experience I’ve come to learn that “taking care of yourself” is about doing what feels right in the moment.  Not out of some obligation or need or desire or some motivation to make things different; simply because it feels right and honest.  This doesn’t always mean that it feels “good” but simply authentic.  And that might mean taking a long hot bath, saying “no” to someone I love, or hours by my mother’s bedside.  I love taking care of myself.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: www.MaggieCarter.com
.  Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

While walking along the road a man in a pickup stopped to ask me if I wanted a ride. For most of my life I’ve been one of those people who tends to turn down any offer of help. “I can’t bother them, I can do this my self. It’s not that bad. I don’t really need any help.”
Those are a few of the beliefs I’ve lived with. I’ve questioned those beliefs over the years and have found new awareness.

With the truck stopped next to me I knew this was an opportunity to do it differently. Saying “yes” didn’t come easily but it came! And what came next was a wonderful surprise. I put my bike in the back of the pickup and hopped in the front seat. Two young boys were sitting in the back seat. I talked to the man for a bit and then turned to talk to the young boys and
asked them about their day. They excitedly told me they had been fishing and had each caught five fish. Then the boy’s grandfather told me about all the things they had done during the boys visit. It was a short 5-minute exchange between strangers. That 5 minutes brought me greater joy than any bike ride.

The gifts from saying “yes.”

• I got a ride to the end of the mile stretch of chip-sealed road and was able to continue on my bike journey with a smile on my face.
• I got to meet two wonderful young boys from Texas visiting their grandfather and hear about their fishing adventure.
• I got to meet a wonderful grandfather who got to share with a stranger all the great things that he was doing with his grandkids.
• I know the man also got something because I know how good it feels to have someone say “yes” to an offer of help.
• Two young boys got to share their excitement of catching fish with a stranger. Yo can never have too many people to tell your success stories to!
• I got a memory that will last a long time – much longer than the memory of most bike rides.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: www.MaggieCarter.com
.  Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

I prefer bicycles. On a bicycle I can hear the birds sing and streams cascade over rocks. I can actually feel a gentle breeze against my face. I’ve been on a motorcycle. The bugs collided against my face and the wind was so strong I couldn’t move the muscles in my face and I could hear nothing except the sound of the engine.

On a recent visit to my dentist he jokingly suggested that I should ride my bicycle down to the Harley convention and trade my bicycle in for a Harley. Hundreds of Harley’s would be in town. I could feel a huge “NOT” arise in me and my judgments of Harley’s bubble up. I also realized that since there were so many Harley’s in town I might encounter them on my
weekend ride in the country. I wondered where I could go to avoid them.

As I rode out in the country that Saturday I had completely forgotten about those noisy things. I found myself taking a route I don’t normally take. I looked to my right and saw a stream of Harley’s heading the opposite direction I was going to ride. It was timed perfectly for me to miss them. I thanked God for leading me away from them. I felt blessed and
grateful. I didn’t have to listen to the awful noise.

About 45 minutes later as I headed towards home I noticed a large gathering at a country convenience store. I had never seen this many people here before. It seemed like a hundred people were looming up ahead. And yes, they each had a Harley. It seems they had all stopped for a break. As I rode up on my bike I heard one of the guys yell out to the
others, “Ready to go?” Many yelled back in the affirmative and I realized that they would be leaving soon and that they would ALL be heading in my direction. A scream of, “Oh No.” pierced my brain and the peace I had been experiencing. Just in case, I yelled out, “Which way are you going?” A couple of them pointed in my direction and I laughed. If I had
arrived at this spot only five minutes later I would have missed them!!

I rode on and in under a minute I could hear them coming. Then, it occurred to me. It was another opportunity to thank God. I had thanked God for sending me in a different direction so I didn’t have to hear them the first time. Could I now thank God for putting me in a place
where I would now be forced to hear them? Could I thank God, no matter what happened?. I gave it try. I asked God to help me love them as they passed instead of hating them. Might as well, they were coming no matter what I did and it was worth giving the experiment a try.

Then I had the thought that I should count each one as it passed – just so I could tell others
how many I had to listen to and how miserable it was. It would make a great story of
endurance for my fellow cycling friends. They began whizzing past me and the counting
quickly ended. And instead, to my surprise, I noticed that they weren’t as loud as I had
anticipated. It was the first of many surprises to come in the next few minutes. I began to
notice each one as it passed. Although each was a Harley I noticed that each was different
and each held a wonderful surprise. Different colors, different styles and different riders with
colorful clothing, one with a side cart carrying a dog. All of the riders were smiling and
enjoying their trip as much as I was enjoying mine. A few of them waved and I waved back.

In less than five minutes they were gone and the silence of the country scene was restored.
What I noticed next surprised me the most – I missed them! I missed the “beautiful noise”
that they made, the sites of each cycle and the people on them, the joy that they were
having. And in that noticing I found tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t imagine why I
would be crying after this seemingly simple, short encounter. It was gratitude. Gratitude for
being capable of turning hate into love through a simple request and finding joy and
appreciation on the other side.

I don’t think I’ll ever see a Harley in the same way again. They make a “beautiful noise” I
have learned.

Is it that easy to transform hate into love I wondered? If so, why is it that I still hold on to
anger and resentment at times when love is so easily accessible? I am hoping that this
simple encounter will teach me more about the magic of love.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: www.MaggieCarter.com
.  Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

I liked living with the illusion. Even when my friends told me otherwise, even when the evidence was all around me in the form of multiple men in red suits, cards signed with a familiar signature, the impossibility of the story. I held on to the innocent belief as long as I could.

“Taking the fall” and discovering, at the age of six, that, in reality, there was no Santa Claus was one of the most difficult realizations to acknowledge and accept. I did not want to know the Truth!

The grief and sadness I felt was immense. The ending of some dream, some hope, some hanging on to childhood illusions of fantasy. If there was no Santa Clause what else did that mean about this world? I didn’t really want to know. I liked my fantasy world. Something about the illusion felt safe. Reality did not feel safe.

As an adult I have taken that same “fall” many times as I have learned that what I thought was real and true was not at all real or true. I have discovered again and again that I have been lying to myself. Sometimes the falling away of an illusion is easy and natural but sometimes it has not been so easy. I have clung to many illusions (false security blankets) as long as I could. I have cried and felt the grief of losing dreams,
what I had hoped would be real. Being open to the Truth has required letting go of hope and dreams that “someday maybe ……”

Recently a friend sent me the following quote, which seemed to describe my experience perfectly. “The truth will set you free. But first it will make you miserable” (see below).

Once I am willing to see my story for what it is the Truth does set me free in a way that cannot be explained. It is similar to reading the “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” letter (http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/). Once I see the illusion for what it is, this sweet letter makes sense and the gifts are far greater than any illusion of safety. Until I am willing to see the illusion for what it is I cannot experience the gifts of Truth.

The questions I continue to sit in are, “What Truth am I not yet willing to open up to? What lie am I using as a false security blanket? What dream or hope for someday- maybe do I cling to?” If it serves, ask yourself those questions and see what comes to you. I would love to hear from you.

*The quote above was attributed to The Talmud, however, a Google search says it came from president James Garfield.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: www.MaggieCarter.com
.  Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

During our time together I became aware of something I now call “The Dance of Perfection.” As I observed the interactions between us and heard what was shared, I noticed how it was impossible for any of us to do anything “wrong.”  What seemed “wrong” in the moment to
one person was the exact thing that someone else benefited from.  And the person who had done the “wrong” thing also experienced the benefit. We were engaged in an amazing dance.  Because of the slow pace and the opportunities to observe and share, we were able to notice what we don’t normally observe in daily life. And because of our openness and
sharing, this “Dance of Perfection” became obvious.

It turns out that this Dance is actually happening all the time –we just don’t see it.  We don’t normally talk to each other and share vulnerably in life as we did during the retreat.  If we paused long enough and stopped taking everything so personally; if we shared more openly and honestly, we could see more clearly how this “Dance of Perfection” is playing out
constantly in our daily lives, dancing perfectly in all ways. I think I might be finally getting it – I can’t do it wrong, ever.   I invite us all to slow down, share honestly and observe this “Dance of Perfection” and experience Life as an experiment.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: www.MaggieCarter.com
.  Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter

As an observer of my experience I have been struck by how quickly I moved from
moments of fear to realizing a sense of freedom and clarity that I have not previously experienced.  All The Work I have done over the past eleven years seems to have provided a foundation. Inquiry works!

As I observed the events unfold I came to call it “Divine Intervention.” It was a happening and there was nothing I could do about it except to play my part.  In this moment I can honestly say I am very grateful.  I would do it again in a heartbeat.  It has been an opportunity to dive into what appeared to be the dark tar pit of core beliefs that have been ruling my world such as “What others say and believe about me is true.”  Having unraveled the upper layers it was an opportunity to get into the muck of the tar and see what was left.  It has been both challenging and easy all at the same time.

I was stunned by how quickly I went from thoughts such as: “My whole livelihood has been stripped away,” “I’ve been kicked out.” to “Oh goodie, I can sit on my front porch and drink tea, take more hikes and see where Life will take me next.” This was followed by a very solid realization that “It is none of my business what I do or not do next. I know I will be supported.”  I just don’t know what that will look like.”

The next stream of thoughts, “No more workshops.” “No more clients.”  “She hates me.” “I’ve done something horrible,” “My friends will all leave me,” “How will I make a living?” quickly moved to seeing how Reality immediately proved me wrong and a curiosity for how it will unfold.

Some have asked what I have learned and they want to know how I am. “Curious” is the word that most frequently surfaces. Some realizations I remember, most I do not – it’s not necessary.  I either live it or Life will give me the opportunity to realize it at a deeper level. Below is a list of some of what I do remember. While not new they are experienced at a much deeper level and I am confident that even deeper realizations are awaiting.

• The Work works  – I love how that continues to become more and more solid in me.
• This was absolutely for me and I am honestly grateful.
• Taking responsibility for my part is essential and what I thought would be dark and ugly turns out to be enlightening, easy and kind. And I’m still diving in to see what is left because I know that 100% responsibility = 0% guilt and 0% blame.
• It really is a friendly universe.
• I want to know the Truth. I experience it as almost a demand – what is the Truth?
• I am not free to stay if I’m not free to leave. Prior to this experience I was not free to leave.
• “The Work knows where it wants to go,” (BK) and my business is to simply follow.
• What others imagined I was experiencing has not been even close to my actual experience.
• My experience has benefited so many others and for that I want to kiss every one of you for using this experience to do your own Work and realize what is true for you.
• The most lovely reaction for me was my daughter’s response: “This should have happened a long time ago Mom. It’s time for you to ‘write’ your own book.”  And she doesn’t do The Work ~ she just happens to be enlightened in ways that I am slowly catching up to.

The image of a Tibetan sand painting comes to mind and what I imagine one might
experience after completing a sand painting with much love and attention and then
wiping it all away in one swift fearless movement. What shape will the new design take?

I see this as a shared journey. For all who have supported me in this time, in your
thoughts, via a sent message, with facilitation, or just listening so I could hear my mind speak, I am grateful beyond what any words might convey.  The person I was yesterday is not who I am in this moment and not who I will be tomorrow ~ nor are you.  I continue to dive in to see what other gifts this experience has for me. It is too precious to waste. I am doing my Work and Inquiry is doing me.

I am  grateful also to those who have judged me, separated themselves from me and thought me “guilty.”   I have benefited from it all.  It is all for me.

Songs often speak my experience in ways I am unable to and I was recently reminded of Kirtana’s song “Open Secret” which rang so true in describing my current experience. Listen to it and see what rings true for you.

Musings written by Maggie Carter

As a facilitator of Inquiry and The Work of Byron Katie, Maggie partners with those interested in bringing greater peace and clarity into their lives. She can be reached at 805-272-5793 or Maggie@MaggieCarter.com. You can subscribe to her newsletter here: www.MaggieCarter.com
.  Permission to reprint with full attribution. © 2010 Maggie Carter